“No Excuse Sunday”
San Jacinto Newstimes , September 2007

COLDSPRING  --  To make it possible for everyone to attend church on Sunday, Sept. 16, Coldspring United Methodist Church, located at the corner of Hwy. 150 and Cemetery Road in downtown Coldspring will have a special ‘No Excuse Sunday’ Celebration at both the 8:30 a.m. and 11 a.m. worship service.

• Cots will be available for those who say, ‘Sunday is my only day to sleep late.’
• We will have hardhats for those who believe ‘The roof would cave in if I ever came to church.’
• Blankets will be furnished for those who say it is too cold and fans for those who say it is too hot.
• There will be lounge chairs for those who feel that the pews are too hard.
• Hearing aids will be available for those who say, ‘The pastor speaks too softly,’ and cotton balls for those who say, ‘The pastor preaches too loudly.’
• Scorecards will be available for those who wish to count the hypocrites present.
• Some relatives will be in attendance for those who can only visit on Sunday.
• Golf clubs and a putting green will be available for those who can only play golf on Sunday.
• Fishing rods will be there for those who can only fish on Sunday.
• Eye drops will be available to soothe those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night.
• One section area of the sanctuary will have trees and grass for those who like to see God in nature.
• A doctor and a nurse will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
• We are having a covered dish luncheon for everyone including those who cannot come to church and cook lunch for their family.
• The Senior Center Thrift shop will furnish “free” clothing for those who have absolutely “nothing to wear.”
• The sanctuary will be decorated with both Easter lilies and Christmas poinsettias, for those who have never worshiped without them.

Don’t miss this opportunity to worship guilt free. Childcare is provided at every worship service.  Call (936) 653-2287 between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m. weekdays for information or directions.