Ah, the critics! There they go again with their pearl-clutching because President Donald Trump reportedly made another billion dollars through his and his family’s cryptocurrency ventures, according to an annual financial disclosure released last Tuesday.
How dare these people think that a man should become president merely to serve We the People. Don’t they know that this is a new era? How quaint.
While Democrats have waxed apoplectic after said disclosure showed enormous income tied to Trump’s World Liberty Financial, which is the crypto business he launched back in 2024 with his sons, prior to the election. More income, $635 million to be exact, was also linked to Trump’s meme coin. Democrats have pointed out a conflict-of-interest present with all of this, but, perhaps, they just simply fail to appreciate what is happening before their eyes.
This isn’t corruption; it’s performance art. Some presidents leave office with a legacy that can be encapsulated within a library, but Trump appears determined to leave with a blockchain.
In history, we see time and time again where visionaries are celebrated. Ol’ Chris Columbus discovered America while looking for India, while Thomas Edison illuminated the world with electricity and trillionaire/former co-president Elon Musk launched rockets. Trump, meanwhile, has achieve something even greater: convincing people that digital coins might somehow finance the future while simultaneously fattening his own finances. Call it corruption, but others might be inclined to call it efficiency.
I mean, why should the government waste precious taxpayer dollars funding innovation when innovation can simply fund the president directly? This way, all those bothersome middlemen (appropriations committees, inspectors general and ethics committees) are cut out of the equation. Think of the savings!
Under the MAGA age, We the People have come to realize that wealth is the ultimate measure of intelligence, and if someone can accumulate another billion or so dollars while serving in public office, then that’s proof positive that they’re operating on a level of genius that’d be incomprehensible to the late Stephen Hawking, let alone ordinary Americans who spend more time worrying about mortgage payments, prescription drug prices and the cost of a dozen eggs than they spend thinking about the genius of a man like Trump.
Real talk here: if your grocery bill doubled, then maybe you just haven’t manifested hard enough. While many of us are stuck comparing prices of cans of generic baked beans, President Trump is apparently playing financial chess in four, maybe even five, different dimensions.
I’m sure most of us have dreamed of creating a form of digital currency bearing our own likeness while simultaneously overseeing the regulatory works affecting its value, and I’m sure our Founding Fathers would’ve wholeheartedly approved, if they would’ve had smartphones and meme coins in their day.
Those naysayers have insisted that the Trump family crypto business has presented a myriad of ethical concerns because public policy could influence private sector profits, and Trump’s administration has embraced policies favorable to the crypto industry. But the solution is simple and seems to have already taken place by the evidence from the Trump administration: simply redefine “ethical” to mean “whatever makes rich people richer.” Problem solved, and it’s amazing to see paradigm shifts accomplished with flexible vocabulary.
Generations of Americans have spent time teaching their children that hard work leads to success, and Trump’s example merely updates that old curriculum. The new lesson here is this: branding, licensing, monetization and holding public office all represent the highest evolution of capitalism. While the old-school American Dream™ involved home ownership, but the new model apparently revolves around owning a cryptocurrency exchange and signing executive orders from the Oval Office while chomping down on a hearty Big Mac.
While the same naysayers trying to take Trump to task might point out that We the People (the ordinary, boring peasant-folk) haven’t experienced the same financial windfall as our president, I ask them: have you tried becoming president? Have you considered launching your own meme coin, or have you thought about receiving hundreds of millions of dollars in gifts and investments because your name appears on the branding/packaging? If the answer is no, then maybe you should stop complaining and start innovating.
The greatest tragedy as of late is that Americans are continuously distracted by trivial concerns, such as rising healthcare costs, shrinking 401Ks, infrastructure inadequacies and the radical notion that public officials ought to avoid even the appearance of profiting from their office. Balderdash! Such small-minded thinking only distracts us from appreciating true greatness, and I’m sure if those concerns were voiced publicly, would result in the complainants being placed on a list by the stable genius that is President Trump.
History rarely remembers the people standing in line at the pharmacy wondering whether they can afford their insulin or splurge on groceries. It remembers the visionaries who discovered new ways to turn political celebrity status into a highly diversified portfolio, and perhaps that’s the real lesson to be gleaned from the recent headlines about Trump’s disclosure: ask not what your country can do for you but ask what your presidency can do for your investment strategy. If it happens to produce another billion or so dollars, don’t call it corruption, call it stablecoinmanship.
Disclaimer: Occasionally Chris Edwards writes political satire pieces such as this one, but hopefully there is a point in all of it to be found, somewhere.
