After hearing him speak, a Pharisee honored Jesus by asking him to his home for a meal. It was the Jewish religious custom to wash one's hands before a meal, but Jesus intentionally bypassed the washing station. The Pharisee was shocked by Jesus’ behavior. Then Jesus followed up his actions with words and said to him, “You Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness” (Luke 11:39, NIV).
If I were to say something like that, my motivation would probably be a defensive reaction trying to hide my embarrassment at skipping the expected protocol, but that was not what drove Jesus to say such a thing. This attack on the Pharisee was motivated by only one thing: love for him. You might be asking how something that appears so rude, so offensive, was motivated by love.
To break a large boulder, you cannot use a feather, you must use a sledgehammer. The Pharisee’s heart was as hard as a boulder. He was pure on the outside and proud of it, but he was living a lie that was keeping him from God. Jesus wanted to break through the religious, self-righteous shell and enable the man to be honest with himself.
Jesus, with his disruptive honesty, was looking for a lost sheep. The man did not know how far he was from God. He needed to be honest with himself. He needed to see that his religiosity was motivated by greed, self-protection, and a need to feel superior to others. Jesus wanted him to repent of his smugness and become his disciple.
There are times when a soft, loving touch is needed. Such was Jesus’ approach with the children who went to him, the sinners who knew how much they needed God, and his disciples. But he could also be confrontive when people needed to get past their excuses and avoidance techniques and deal with the reality of the wickedness and sin in their hearts.
When Martha admonished Jesus to tell her sister Mary to get off her duff and help her in the kitchen, Jesus made her look into her own soul by saying, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:41-42, NIV).
It may have been more of a velvet hammer that Jesus used to encourage Martha to look at her own heart, but it was still a hammer. He forced her to look at herself instead of focusing her anger on Mary and trying to embarrass her. The good news is that Martha apparently responded positively to Jesus’ word of correction, for he was always remarkably close to the sisters.
Jesus told us not to judge others, lest we be judged. We must always tend to our own hearts and motives first and seek the purity of God. Nevertheless, there is a time and occasion for being truthful with someone when they need to look at their own hearts and lives. In the world of behavioral science, such a method is called “intervention.”
A group of family or friends might see one of their loved ones destroying his or her own life and harming the lives of others by addictive behaviors such as gambling, drugs, alcohol, abuse, or unhealthy behaviors. This group of loved ones individually, or, if necessary, together confront the person with straight talk about how the addicted person’s actions are negatively affecting them. They also express their concern for the welfare of the person himself. It is not a safe thing to do. Disruptive honesty never is. It is often as likely to fail as it to succeed in reaching the person, yet love demands that we try to help others when they can’t seem to find the way on their own.
There are times when we need to be mirrors into which a troubled or wayward person can see the reality of his or her own soul. If they can see it, they can take responsibility for themselves and seek to change. Such self-responsibility and change are the keys to mental and spiritual health. Honesty with others, even when it is uncomfortable and disruptive, can be an act of loving kindness.
Dr. Dan Darby is a retired United Methodist pastor.
