I’m getting a little battle fatigued over the political landscape, so this week I’m going to focus on some of the things that have me puzzled but don’t require excessive thought, or for people to pick sides.
Like, why is it that when you drop your buttered toast, it will unfailingly fall butter side down?
Or:
•For some reason, cutting just one fingernail cannot be done. Once you’ve started, you have to finish all of them.
•I seem to notice that currently, the Democrats, who were big fond of wielding power after winning elections, have decided that since the Republicans have majorities in Congress and the presidency, they need to reopen government. Yet, what they really are saying is, “You can exercise your elected authority, as long as you do it the way we want you to.”
•When television or movie characters are real busy either fighting or trying not to die, why do bystanders always scream their name? Wouldn’t that distract them enough to let the worst happen? (This one always makes my eyes roll automatically.)
•Why are all Hallmark holiday movies the same plot with different characters? Will this trend stop once they run out of quaint villages in the Northwest or New England?
•Watching people make poor decisions and suffering is extremely funny, but when it happens to us, it precisely is not.
•Why is it that there is nothing so permanent as a temporary government program?
•If you find a person that is happy on a Monday, they’re retired.
•Spending more than a dollar on a bookmark is a serious waste of money. You could just use the dollar.
•It absolutely will never fail that when you decide to wear a white shirt, you will eat spaghetti, barbecue or chili. Better that all shirts are tie-dyed.
•It always seems that when I’m driving somewhere, getting there takes almost twice as long as coming back.
•Babies (and kittens and puppies) can sleep anywhere, anytime and in any position. If I don’t follow the proper “ritual” at night, I’m never getting any sleep. Also, normal nights mean normal sleep, but if I have an appointment or something to do that requires me to get up early, I’m tossing and turning.
•Found on the internet: If you put your left foot in the wrong shoe, you’re actually putting it in the right shoe.
•Why is it that every time I try to pass someone on the highway, there magically will be a line of cars blocking my lane change?
•I still will never understand what difference it makes shifting clocks back and forth every year. Babies, livestock, pets and medicinal schedules struggle with this, and frankly, so do I. It still is the same amount of daylight, so what is saved?
•I will never fail that when I find something I like — a restaurant dish, a brand of chips, a television show — it will be discontinued or canceled. Is it me?
•Is it really all that surprising that the old bands currently touring are ever so much more popular that these new artists? Just do a comparison of song lyrics.
Tony Farkas is editor of the Trinity County News-Standard and the San Jacinto News-Times. He can be reached at tony@polkcountypublishing.com.
