In a conversation about the foul language so many young children use, a friend mentioned her admiration for a celebrity who had publicly declared the intention to never again use four letter or dirty words. Because she was aware of the powerful influence actors exert over young children and teens, the actress made a conscious decision to choose different words in order to express herself more appropriately.
That is a pretty simple solution to any problems ... to choose another way and to stick to it. It can be, for some, a nearly impossible way because old habits die hard. Unless there are other behaviors to substitute for the ones that are harmful, many people slip easily into the old patterns and forget about the positive changes they’d planned. This actress learned to say acceptable words ... or to substitute nonsense words for ugly ones. “Horse feathers”, for example, sounds pretty good and means about the same as other unprintable words.
Life is all about making choices, and how one talks or uses words is certainly an area well within individual control. Cleaning up one’s act is a valuable goal, whether it is about ugly language, abusive or demeaning ways of dealing with people, or changing one’s method of correcting children.
The National Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse, sponsored by the Ad Council, took space in nationally published magazines to present “12 Alternatives to Lashing Out at Your Child.” Hot summertime, kids home all day, financial pressures, and problem relationships all take their toll, from time to time, on almost every family. These pressures often end in lashing out at those we love most and those most damaged by this can be our children.
Like the actress, try simply saying “No” to choosing harmful or damaging words or actions. Here are the suggestions for replacement choices: 1) Take a deep breath and another. Remember, you are the adult. 2) Close your eyes and imagine you’re hearing what your child is about to hear. 3) Press your lips together and count to 10, or better yet, to 20. 4) Use time out ... (one minute for each year of age). 5) Put yourself in time out ... Why are you angry? Is it your child or is your child just a convenient target for your anger? 6) Phone a friend. 7) Get someone to watch the children and take a walk outside. 8) Take a hot bath or splash cold water on your face. 9) Hug a pillow. 10) Turn on some music; sing along. 11) Write down as many helpful words as you can think of; save the list. 12) Write for parenting information; Parenting, Box 2866, Chicago, IL 60690 Remembering their slogan, “Take Time Out, Don’t Take it Out on Your Child” will help you make keeping cool this summer a lasting habit as well as teaching your children some valuable lessons.
