I was beginning to think (and have even been told) that I was hopelessly out-of-date, feeling as I do that it is important for children to learn to use words such as "please,” "thank you,” “may I,” and "I'm sorry.”
However, I recently heard a fantastic motivational speaker who called these "wonderful words.” He emphasized the importance of adults using these "wonderful words,” being courteous, and about easing the stress of everyday life by being nicer to one another. There are, in fact, schools where adults who did not learn these "wonderful words” go to learn how to interact more positively with one another or, to use another old-fashioned word, to learn manners. Many businesses hire specialists to teach their employees manners. Someone else must think these words are important, also.
I learned manners as a young child; the school for manners I attended was called "home” and the head teacher was called "Mother.” Education in manners was considered the responsibility of every adult with whom I came in contact — reminding children to say "please” and "thank you” must have been something adults were born with because they all did it as naturally as they breathed.
Children without manners were the exceptions, remarked upon in sadness, and we knew they would come to no good end. Now many consider it quite old-fashioned or unimportant to teach young children the "wonderful words” that ease our everyday interactions by being courteous, the exception is for children and adults to have manners. Yet, if we ever needed any help in getting along, it sure seems to me that now is the time.
Now is the time when we need to hear "please” in front of requests, "thank you” for work done or requests honored, “may I” in asking permission, and "I'm sorry” when we have done something to hurt or break. Using words like these helps others understand us better and they enjoy interacting with us.
Adult learning of manners can be done in adult "schools”; child learning of manners must start early, and home is still the best place. Teaching manners is much more than use of "proper” words ... how we treat others is really a reflection of how we are treated. When we are with people who say "please” and "thank you” to use, we tend to say it back.
Parents and other adults serve as role models for young children — parents who use "please” in front of requests will find their children using “please.” “Get your bath, now” or “Please get your bath now” will produce a clean kid but adding "please” will produce one with manners. Either “Get me a screwdriver” or “Please get me a screwdriver” will bring the tool you need; saying "please” lets your helper know how important they are to you.
Telling children “I'm sorry we have to stop now“ or “Stop now” will cease activity but using "I'm sorry” lets them know you understand their feelings. Telling kids "thank you” for doing what you ask lets them know you value their responses and think they are doing a good job. The words others use have a direct influence on how we view ourselves. Feeling good about ourselves increases our self-esteem and our self-confidence, plenty of reason to use "wonderful words” every day in every way with everyone we can.
Darby Kethan has a master's degree in child development, and has experience as a social worker, educator of young children, educational consultant, and as a professional trainer for a national educational foundation providing professional development to teachers. Visit her website at darbykethan.com.
